- There’s lots of people having a go at Jeremy Corbyn. Everyone wants him out. He’s a massive scruffy bastard who keeps trying to do awful things like save the NHS and preserve worker’s rights and make a better education System, he wants people to be able to work and be paid enough money to actually LIVE on, he wants people to be able to go into further education and study and train without getting into enormous debt. All of the things that nobody really wants to happen unless they’re some sort of uneducated left wing lunatic. There are lots of things happening everyday to try to get rid of Jeremy Corbyn, yet he’s still standing up and speaking on behalf of a fairer society. What a bastard.
On the other hand, Theresa Thatcher May has been Prime Minister for over a week now and she’s already done lots and lots of horrible things, like scrapping Nurse Bursaries and slashing employment right’s, cutting worker’s wages and boasting without hesitation of being willing to kill over 100,000 innocent families with a Nuclear bomb. She made her initial ‘mark’ in Parliament right away, not by doing a grand speech about all the good intentions she has like most people would do, or by pissing on the nearest bench like a dog would do (I half expected that to be honest), but by standing up in Parliament and telling Jeremy Corbyn what a scruffy horrible bastard he is. That sure told him, again. Scruffy Bastard!!!
- I’ve noticed that when Theresa May is talking about, or to Jeremy Corbyn, her face distorts and she looks like the scary evil thing from Dark Crystal, her face also does this when she is thinking about poor people, gay people and immigrants, babies, puppies and care-bears.
- There seems to be some sort of weird political mirroring going on between the United States and the United Kingdom. For some reason, somehow, politics has gone completely mental in almost identical ways on both sides of the pond. In the states they have Donald Trump the alien, who I am increasingly suspecting is actually the alien twin brother of Boris Johnson, also definitely not human, VS Hillary Clinton who is a scary, back-combed version of Theresa May, both of these women are exactly how I imagined Roald Dahl’s “The Witches” to actually be like in real life, VS Bernie Sanders, who is the legitimate American equivalent of Jeremy Corbyn a.k.a “JC” - a bit like Jesus Christ, but slightly less holy.
- Donald Trump is about to become the first tropical Alien to become the President of America. Which is terrifying. Up until now, Trump the chump and his strange hairpiece has been the subject of both amusement and dismay, however, now faced with the very real prospect that this weird, orange leathery bumhole with eyes might actually be the president, we’re actually all really scared… rightly so too. This guy claimed that Global Warming doesn’t exist… WHILST applying for permission to erect a coastal protection works to prevent erosion at his seaside golf resort, apparently his application explicitly cites global warming and its consequences - increased erosion due to rising sea levels and extreme weather this century - as a chief justification for building the structure. He also really hates Mexicans.
- Almost all of my friends are collecting Pokemons. I still don’t know what exactly this is.
- A lot of my friends went out in the sun over the weekend and now they are real life Lobsters, now my newsfeed is full of photos of lobsters that look a bit like some of my friends.
- Hardly any of my friends post photos of their dinners anymore because they’re all busy posting photos of their cherub babies and sharing a meme of hot dogs with fingernails on them.
- Lots of my friends have birthdays, every bloody day Facebook tells me “Your friends have birthdays!” and then I have to sit in bed, writing “Happy Birthday” twenty-five times on lots of people’s timelines. Ten years ago I wouldn’t have imagined my future mornings would be spent doing that.
- An artist has built a tiny wall around Donald Trump’s Hollywood star, which is absolutely brilliant. Art is awesome.
- Apparently you can get an eyebrow brush now that paints your eyebrows on and it is waterproof. It’s called “Wunderbrow”. To prove that it is waterproof there is a video on the internet of a girl with eyebrows going surfing.
- There is a video on the internet of Macaulay Culkin Eating a Slice of Pizza. I don’t know how, or why, but it has over 3 million views already. Because of that, I told my boyfriend, Doozer McDooze that his next music video should just be a video of him eating a slice of Pizza. This video is both the most extraordinary and satisfying thing to watch. It is also the weirdest thing that I have seen on the internet today.
That is all...