Monday's According to Facebook:

Today according to my Facebook newsfeed:

Politics:
- Theresa May is now Prime Minister. For those of you who don’t know who she is, she’s a vulture of a woman who appears to have been possessed by the spirit of Margaret Thatcher. She has only been Prime Minister for five days and so far all of her decisions have been terrible.  It’s almost as if she is basing all of her decisions on searches she’s done on the internet and actually chooses the opposite of all of the things people want to happen. 

I can imagine her searches also include: “What is economy?”, “Are gay people aliens?” and “How do I make pudding?”

 - Jeremy Corbyn’s position as the leader of Labour party is being challenged. It has been decided that if you want to vote for JC you have to pay £25 and registering/voting can only happen from 5pm today within a 48 hour period. This basically means that a majority of people won’t be able to vote for JC, especially not poor people. This is happening because poor and disadvantaged people don’t know anything about how society should work. Only rich people understand economy which is why only rich people are allowed to borrow money from banks without paying it back, and avoid paying taxes. It’s called privilege. Most people aren’t allowed privileges in the UK anymore because they’re not rich enough, white enough or inbred enough.

My friends:
- Over the weekend lots and lots of my friends have either had babies or gone out and got drunk

- Most of my friend's babies look exactly like the cherubs in famous renaissance paintings but with trendy clothing.
- Some of my friend's babies look like tiny bald adults dressed as babies.
- A lot of my friends look like hairy babies dressed as adults
- All of my friends hate working on Mondays, I think Monday’s should be abolished for this reason.

General Internet things:
- There have reportedly been 5 hr delays on M56 due to people playing 'Pokemon Go'.  I’m not sure what this Pokemon Go is… is this how the apocalypse starts?
- There is a video online of two dogs cuddling. I didn’t know dogs could cuddle another dog. This is pretty much the best thing EVER.
- A german carpenter has invented a “Dick Switch” that basically is a little light switch that can be “implanted” inside your willy and it can turn sperm on and off, effectively creating a wall so that the little newts can’t go swim about in the open, it is being hailed as potentially the new alternative to a vasectomy. There is a video on the internet which explains this invention using a cross between powerpoint graphics and The Simpsons cartoon clips… this is the weirdest thing I have seen on the internet today.

That is all... Until next Monday.



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